Posts tagged rant from ft

The other day my daughter received this ask from an anon.  And it absolutely made my boil.   

Correct me if I am wrong, I see it like this from what I read on here. When your with your family you seem to have eating problems, When you were in Sydney you didnt seem to have a problem with food. You seemed so happy. So maybe it’s your family that triggers it by always saying you need to eat. Be strong and get away from them as fast as you can.

I will not post her reply but she did a pretty good job of telling this MORON off and grrr  i just want to rant and vent  about it too. 

Seriously the person that wrote this message is so wrong.  This truly drives me crazy when people with no clue about what it is like to have a child with Anorexia make jugdments on what sort of parent you are and how it must be the parent or family’s fault.  It is so off base it is laughable.  

If you EDUCATE yourself anon you will realise that family dynamic is only one  part of the overall complex equation.  as much as 60 -80 % of a persons risk of eds comes from genetic factors.  Now add to the mix trauma, big or little it does not matter, then add media and peer pressure and don’t forget to add the ordinary pressures and hormones of adolescence, now add the parents and family who granted like me may not be the perfect parents (but I tell you what parent and family is).  All this has the potential to create the perfect storm a hey presto you have an eating disorder. It can not be blamed on one single factor EVER.  

This dip shit should get off it’s  judgemental high horse and put themselves in a parents shoes for just a minute.  Lets say they were told their child has anorexia.  If they think giving her a cuddle and waiting for her to eat when she is ready is going to work for them , they are in for one heck of a rude shock. What would they do when their child won’t eat no matter what they do. What will they do When within a matter of weeks they watch their child lose 10 kg, and becomes so thin she is at risk of cardiac problems and other major health risks and hospital admission looms.  

What will they do? Are they going to do NOTHING or are they going to do what needs to be done to help their child.   If they are a smart parent they will take a stand,  not against their  daughter but the anorexia which controls her.  They hopefully  learn pretty quickly that they need to feed their daughter, watch their daughter,  constantly encourage eating and they will need to  insist that there is an expectation she must eat to live.  You tell your daughter that you won’t , not while you have a breath left in you, let her be taken by this illness. There are tantrums, there are arguments, there are power struggles that result, that is all part of this illness. Your once happy vibrant child now hates you for your intervention.  As a result of family intervention the anorexia morphs and change and finds new ways to protect itself and keeps its hold. There will be new tactics, new behaviours, and attempts to escape recovery (LIKE LEAVING HOME) . 

People stand in judgement of family’s and parents because they see nothing but the superficial effects they do not realise how the eating disorder controls the person,and manipulates everyone,  they do not realise that when the person is deep in their disorder they CANNOT make the choice to feed them selves, keep themselves safe or make rational choices about treatment. Onlookers do not understand just how hard it is to keep someone in a safe zone who is hell bent on starving.   The person with anorexia may look healthy, may look rational, may appear to be doing really well but inside they can be a mess. And at this time they need support from family more than ever even though they may fight it.  They need people around them to be united in their support and to get the facts and information about how to help them. They do not need people judging them saying ridiculous things like people with Ed’s  are shallow and vain and they must have controlling families

I just shudder to think how many people would be DEAD if family’s and friends did not intervene.  And I shudder to think of the people who are dead because NOBODY intervened or intervention came to late.    

So to this person that is telling my daughter to get away from her family GET THIS.  My daughter has more chance of constructing a nuclear weapon out of paper clips than she has of acting on hunger cues and walking to the kitchen and making a vegemite sandwich right now.Let alone a meal of any substantial nutritional value.  And the simple act of leaving home and the watchful eye of her family is not going to make a shred of difference to that fact.     What you take for granted as easy is not easy for her at all.  What you think is a solution  i.e getting away from her family is a shallow bandaid measure and very dangerous at best.  

GET EDUCATED! AND DON’T FUCKING BOTHER MY KID WITH YOUR BLATANT STUPIDITY

thinbydestiny:

Simple as that.

oh for fucks sake stop with this CRAP. You don’t know CRAP!!! Throughout my life I have been referred to as a pretty girl, a pretty woman and even now in my 40’s people still say nice things to me and guess what I have curves and cellulite and freckles and even grey hair.  Weight has nothing to do with prettiness.  There are so many things like grace, kindness, intellect and a million other qualities you could be cultivating other than the narrow and shallow worship of thin. 

(via thinbydestiny-deactivated201111)

So there is this really good local theatre group and I have messaged them to see if they will put on the musical Nor.mal http://www.normal-musical.com/ next year. Basically  if you don’t want to click the link it is a wonderful Musical about the story of a family with a daughter with Anorexia.  Accompanying the show is a talk back session that helps to educate and raise awareness in students and the community about eating disorders.  The program has been going really well in the US and I would love to see something like this here in Australia.  

Anyway they, the person at the theatre company asked me if I have ever directed anything before.  Hell no,  I know nothing!!! I sing in the shower and Coles much to my daughters disgust.  That is the first problem, I am no director, they would have to come up with one of their own.   2nd problem  I have to make a submission to them tomorrow night to a bunch of complete strangers and sell  this Musical unheard of in Australia to the committee.  They no doubt will probably think I am some crazy lady on a crusade and blow me off.  

BUT it might be a long shot but i am going to give it a crack anyway.

Wish me luck<3

Thanks to everyone that watched this.  I realise this was really disturbing to watch and it highlights the need for us in society to come to a screeching halt and think about the crazy messages we are sending out to ourselves and our children.  We all have some power to change the future for our kids and grand kids.  So Please think about the messages you are being fed through the media etc and question them because they are harming us and our children.  

For those of you who already struggle with EDs and body image issues , this video demonstrates why you should keep up the FIGHT not only for YOUR life but to protect the future and kids like the ones in this program.  This culture of thin is wrong, so wrong that we have gotten to this point and we all need to wake up and collectively say NO to this.  Please take a stand!!  Smash a scale or boycott a magazine.  Check out http://www.beautyredefined.net/ there are heaps of ways listed on this site to take a stand.

A friend of mine shared a post about how her daughters anorexia has robbed her of a normal teenage life, so I thought I would share my feelings too.  

Do you know what constitutes your parents part in treatment and recovery from an Eating Disorder.  If you are a teenager and still living under your parents roof it is this.   

Constant monitoring of your eating behaviour. That means all meals at the table, all finished, 3 meals, 3 snacks all in view.  Then if your bulimic you can’t go to the bathroom for the shower or toilet for 45 minutes.  

Generally if your weight is low you are not allowed to exercise.  NONE.  I have spoken to parents who have slept with their daughter to make sure she doesn’t exercise through the night.  Parents who have removed bedroom doors from hinges to make sure teens can’t exercise purge or cut.  Parents who sleep with their anorexic child because they are terrified they will stop breathing through the night.  

Think your parents probing into your private thoughts and behaviours isn’t bad enough then add all the constant appointments.  Dr, Psychiatrist, dietition, counsellor.  All asking you what you are eating, what you are thinking, what you are doing. A hospital admission could see you under constant observation and feeding for months. 

Room checks - hate people in your room?  Well if you are suspected of hiding food, laxatives or vomiting in your room expect that the people that care about you will be checking for it.  

Add to all this the depression that is part and parcel of an Eating Disorder.  Yep you might be thin but you will be so anxious and depressed and constantly obsessing over food and calories you will never ever go out.  Your social life will fail, your schooling will suffer because you are so tired and malnourished you can’t concentrate.  You will be miserable.  Your parents will watch you constantly not just around meals but all the time making sure you are safe and can’t harm yourself.

It’s not glamorous, it’s not pretty, not for the sufferer and not for the parent. It is a nightmare and you will be treated more like you are 5 not 15. 

It is so tragic to watch the person you love so much, who you know has so much potential just wither and hide from life because of this illness.  I have been truly envious at times when I see teenagers out and about in groups having fun together.  I want my daughter to be one of them.  I don’t want to watch her every move but if I don’t the consequences could be dire.  

So please if you have started on this road please think about where it is going to lead and if you want to avoid all the above please turn back now if you still can.  

P.S In case anyone is curious my daughter is doing  well at the moment, weight is restored and holding.   Looking so much better, getting her strength back, laughing more, it’s a huge relief but maintaining is still hard work for her and for us.  Last year was awful, this year has been hard, but hopefully next year hopefully things will be much better.   We just can’t let our guard down because Anorexia is not gone, it’s still there smoldering away.   <3

We often talk about anorexia like it is a separate entity to separate it from the person, the real person that we know and love.  Sometimes I wish this was physically true that I could coax anorexia out.  Alone it is powerless, frail and pathetic and I could just leap on that evil abusive cowardly sack of shit and choke the life out of it for what it has done to my daughter and to so many others.  

Everyday I hear the voice of this miserable evil creature through the self  deprecating words of girls on tumblr.  The problem is huge but we can not think that it is insurmountable.  Please choose to fight and recover and reclaim your life.  Share your story and teach others how to protect themselves from this monster. Lets all treat each other with respect and refuse the shallow beauty ideals.  You have unlimited potential don’t let the monster blind your power.  Fight it, challenge it, defeat it and let the world know how you did it.  Do it for yourself, do it for your love ones and do it for the next generation  <3<3

IF YOU HAVE A BLOG WITH POSTS ABOUT TIPS, TRICKS, FASTS, DIETS, LAXATIVES, AND ADVICE TO THE VULNERABLE ABOUT EXTREME WEIGHT LOSS  PLEASE WAKE UP AND THINK WHAT YOU COULD BE DOING.   PLEASE  DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE THIS PRO ANA, PRO MIA SHIT OFF YOUR BLOG.  

YOU MAY BE STUCK WITH THIS MISERABLE FUCKER OF A DISEASE AND NOT WANT HELP BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN ITS OK TO SPREAD  YOUR “HOW TO HAVE AN ED” RULES  AROUND THE GLOBE AND PULL OTHERS INTO THIS WEB.

YOUR TIPS AND TRICKS ARE DANGEROUS AND COULD PLACE SOMEONE IN REAL DANGER OF DEATH.   IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??????

SAVE OUR GIRLS, SAVE OUR WOMEN, SAVE OUR MEN.   DON’T PROMOTE EDS EVER!

i KNOW THERE ARE HEAPS OF YOU OUT THERE THAT AGREE WITH THIS STANCE BUT IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO LIKE THIS POST REBLOG , REBLOG, REBLOG.   

“I don’t have an ed as such but I have tended to skip breakfast and then not take anything to school because it is easier to not have food around”   Sorry to quote this person, I really value your response because this is exactly what we are talking about a culture among young women that says it is ok to skip 1 or even 2 out of 3 meals a day and think that it normal eating behaviour.  GIRLS DARE TO TAKE YOUR LUNCH AND EAT IT,  AND IF YOUR FRIENDS HAVEN’T GOT THEIRS ASK  WHY.