“If you hold back on the emotions—if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.”—Mitch Albom (via shetakesflight)
Inspirational page, mum on a misson! I was looking through your blog and saw the question by the person having just been diagnosed with anorexia and how they should tell their friends. As a friend of 4 people who have/ had an ED, we already know, we just don't know how to approach the subject. But confiding in us will be fine, because all we want to do is help, but we don't know how until you admit it to us.x
Thank you for your message. I think that what you have said is often the case. Friends often suspect an eating disorder going on but they don’t know how to broach the subject with their friend.
So I think that if anybody has a friend that they feel may need some help you should definitely talk to her/ him quietly on the side and tell them that you have noticed certain behaviours and that you are concerned and would like to help if they need it. The person maybe so relieved that someone has noticed and be grateful for the support, or they may be defensive and deny it, but either way it is better to say something and say you will be there if necessary than do nothing. This disease flourishes on lies and secrecy so it MUST be unveiled to help those who have it. Unfortunately those that have it are often too powerless to admit it. So my advice to anyone if they ever suspects an eating disorder in a friend / loved one please speak up, don’t wait because early diagnosis is crucial to a long term recovery.
Something probably worth mentioning is it’s sometimes really hard for healthy people to understand the feeling of powerlessness and often denial that sufferers have to get help but it helps to understand sufferers of Eating Disorders often feel a lot of shame about their Eating Disorders, there are also so many myths associated with EDs that a lot of the general population are still uneducated about. So for the sufferer telling people not only involves the courage to admit one has a problem and accept help but also the courage to be prepared to educate when confronted with well meaning people who are quite misinformed about EDs.
The biggest problem of with an ED is the secrecy so even when the Eating Disordered person wants to recover they still have their ED voice trying to keep them quiet. The ED voice is just like a sinister perpetrator of childhood abuse. It keeps it’s victim quiet by telling the sufferer lots of nasty stuff like:
you need to be thin and perfect, you will never get there if you tell your secret
I am your only friend, I understand you, you need me
no one will take you seriously,
they will say you aren’t thin enough to have an ED,
everyone will know how pathetic you are,
people will try to control you and make you eat when you admit you have an ED,
if you tell anyone you will have to recover and you will lose control and get fat.
plus a lot of other awful things I can’t think of but I am sure followers with ED’s will know lots lots more.
Anyway thanks for the message. And sorry if it seems I have gone off on a bit of a rant but Eating Disorders thrive in darkness and silence and my wish here is to increase awareness so that EVERYONE sit up and take notice and does what they can to turn on the light and take this snivelling monster to task <3
“I’m not saying that you should deny the difficult events of your life. But the fact that you survived is also a wonderful story to tell. And that story, the story of the way you came through a difficult situation, found resources within yourself or outside of yourself, gleaned from that experience what you wanted and what you didn’t want going forward — that is a story that can inspire you and others to heal and grow.”—Golda Poretsky (via shetakesflight)
recently diagnosed with anorexia and am going into a treatment facility. how can I tell my friends?
Hi Thanks for your message. I am sorry to hear that you are battling anorexia but glad to hear you have a diagnosis and are taking the necessary steps to get treatment. Telling friends is a personal choice and a big step but bear this in mind the more out in the open this secretive disease is the more allies you will have against your ED. So consider telling close friends when you are ready. . Or perhaps you could just take your closest friend aside and confide in him /her. Your friends will understand and if they are good friends they will want to help and they may even already have an inkling you have been battling an ED. So please try and have faith that when the time comes they will understand and want to support you in your recovery.
Also I am a big fan of the letter. If the words are too hard to say you can always give your closest friend a letter and tell them what you have been going through. Hope this helps and good luck with your treatment<3
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“You are given many opportunities in life to choose to be a victim or to be a creator. When you choose to be a victim, the world is a cold and harsh place. “They” did things to you which caused all of your pain and suffering. “They” are wrong and bad, and life is rotten as long as “they” are around. “They” might be one or more individuals in your family or community. It might be the terrible politicians or your boss or the evil cabal of the power elite that rules the world. Or you may blame yourself for all your problems, thus internalizing your victimization. The essence is that victims feel a need to blame someone for all their problems, whether it is themselves or others, because that someone is ruining their lives and world. And the truth is, your life is likely to stay that way as long as you feel a need to blame and make yourself or others wrong. Those who choose to be creators look at life quite differently. They know that there are powerful individuals and groups who might like to control their lives, but they don’t let this get in the way. They know that they have their weaknesses, yet they don’t blame themselves when they fail. Creators feel no need to blame anyone as they know that whatever happens, they have choice in the matter. When Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. were put behind bars, they used that opportunity to meditate and pray, to write letters and books, and to inspire their communities to stand up and make a difference in the world. They prayed not only for themselves and their supporters, but even for those who jailed them and despised their work. They were unstoppable, powerful creators who continued to have a very high quality of life until the day they died. Victims relish in anger, resentment, revenge, and other emotions and behaviors that cause others – and for some even themselves – to feel like victims, too. Creators consciously choose love, inspiration, empowerment, and other qualities which inspire not only themselves, but all around them to continually create the lives and world they want to live in. Victims and creators live in the same physical world and deal with many of the same physical realities, yet their experience of this reality is worlds apart. From the perspective of quality of life, they hardly live in the same world. Yet whether they know it or not, both victim and creator always have choice in each moment to determine the direction of their lives through what they choose to do with what they are given. In reality, all of us play the victim and all of us play the creator at various points in our lives. Yet few people realize just how much choice we have in which role we play at any given time. One person, on losing a job or a special relationship, may feel as if it is the end of the world and sink into terrible suffering for months, years, or even a lifetime. Another with the same experience may choose to experience the grief of loss fully, yet in a relatively short amount of time move on to be a powerful creative force in their life. In every moment and every circumstance we can choose to be that creative force in our lives and world.”—Nancy Smeltzer (via bodymindandsoul)
I have seen a lot of posts just lately pretty much saying that happy people can’t be intelligent. What total SHIT! The insinuation is that happy people are blind to the misery in the world and if they were intelligent they would realise there is nothing to be happy about. Happiness is about gratitude people!!! it’s about making a decision to look at what good you have in your life instead of moaning about your lot, and taking your focus off the sadness in the world and thinking of it as too hopeless.
Please Make a difference in this world by starting with yourself, being grateful for what you have, making the best out of your life, if there are causes that move you, that you are passionate about do something positive to help. You have far more power to affect change in the world by doing this than sitting around moaning about what a shit life you have and a shit world this is and slagging off happy people.
I love this quote from Jesus Christ Superstar and it always comes to mind when I think about why we should all endeavour to be happy,
"Judas to Mary Magdelene" “People who are hungry, people who are starving, they matter more than your feet and hair” .
Jesus to Judas ” surely you’re not saying we have the resources to save the poor from their lot. There will be poor always, pathetically struggling, look at the good things you’ve got! Think while you still have me, move while you still need me. You’ll be lost and you’ll be sorry when I’m gone!
Now I am not a religious person but if an enlightened being like Jesus said it then its good enough for me. Be grateful, think, act, move, love, because tomorrow it might be gone!
love from a happy person who also believes she is intelligent!